Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
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I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
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Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize