Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
