I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize