good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
