wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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