Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Randomize
