Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
