so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
