I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
