I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
