oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Slut skills are useful in every country.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
