Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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