i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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