i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
