there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I understand Curling. That high.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
