thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I AM VODKA MAN
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize