First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
