OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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