she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
