Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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