Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
