do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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