used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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