I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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