oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
