why im i the only drunk person in the library?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
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our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
there is glitter all over my balls
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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