i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
