You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
