i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
