This house was built for laser tag.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
