what day is it and did you see me today?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
