so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
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He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
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you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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