You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
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I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i drank out of a bidet.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
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It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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