I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
