so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
