It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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