totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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