yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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