We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
