I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
