It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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