I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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