Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I wish I could teleport
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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