Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
