I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
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I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
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Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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