You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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