i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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