So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
