I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
