I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
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We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
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THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize