super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
