Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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