I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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