It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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