Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
