Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize