I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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