im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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