Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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